I decided to check out some of the more minor gods of mythology out of boredom.
Came across this god named Priapus, who was a god of livestock, gardens, and male genitalia.
Statues of Priapus were common in ancient Greece and Rome, standing in gardens or at doorways and crossroads. To propitiate Priapus, the traveler would stroke the statue’s penis as he passed by.
Romans would just randomly grab a statue’s dick, stroke it, and be on their merry way.
“I’ll pay for you”
I have a plate for you
I just wanna make you come.
“I got your next student loan payment.”
….You realize, of course, that Hermione Granger lit a teacher on fire when she was eleven, and kept a person alive in a jar for a year when she was fourteen, and studies dark and forbidden magics for kicks, and is one of the brightest and strongest witches of her era. If she came at me, even wandless, I would aparate to Neptune to get away from her.
“Wow, I had no idea you were such a good listener. To be able to share all my intimate thoughts and my experiences with someone - it just cuts the weight of it in half, you know. It’s like a snake swallowing its own tail. Everything comes full circle.”
oh my god it already exists in gif form.